


Disappointment

by nijicchi



Category: Kuroko no Basuke | Kuroko's Basketball
Genre: But I like tagging, Hurt/Comfort, I badly need a reunion, I need more NijiAka in my life, I'm Bad At Tagging, Jut ignore my tags, Post-Winter Cup
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-10-27
Updated: 2015-10-27
Packaged: 2018-04-28 06:34:05
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,767
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5081341
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/nijicchi/pseuds/nijicchi
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Akashi thinks he is a disappointment... but then he gets reunited with a certain someone and he's not so sure anymore.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Disappointment

**Author's Note:**

> I suck at making titles ._.  
> and summaries...

Kuroko invited Akashi to play street basketball with the rest of the Generation of Miracles and some other friends. The redhead stared at his phone for a moment thinking if he would be fine on meeting the others. After all he had done?

Akashi had formulated the perfect excuse, but still he said yes to his former teammate’s invitation. Maybe it was worth a shot to try mending his broken friendship with the others. His chest felt heavy; he found it difficult to breathe. It was unpleasant, but he had gotten used to it.

They had told him everything was fine. Everything was fine. Akashi had heard that sentence countless times before, even way before he entered middle school. Everything was fine, people had told him. But what happened next? He lost his breath of fresh air, the most important person in his life, his mother.

_How was everything fine?_

Now it was his friends (if he could still call them that) who told him that everything was fine. Fine. What does the word 'fine' mean to them? Forgiving each other and being friends again and playing basketball? They told him they had forgiven him and that they don't hold anything against him, but heavens, Akashi couldn't bring his self to forgive himself. Not after all the things he had done. The redhead was more than aware of the horrible things he did. He was aware of how many dreams he had crushed, feelings he had trampled, and people he had hurt. He was aware of how much of a twisted psychopath he had been. He can’t just blame his other self for all those things.

_He’s still Akashi Seijuro._

The redhead looked at his self. He looked pathetic, that was the first time he used that word to describe his self. He was a failure, a disappointment. He had lost, and now all his misdeeds were haunting him. He had only been being delusional through all these times. He wasn't absolute and his chest tightened even more when he admitted that.

He was restless. The soft mattress of his bed felt uncomfortable around him, and the air inside the room seemed to suffocate him. Memories flashed through his head. He could remember them all, everything he had done and every word he had spoken. Akashi wished he could forget.

But he couldn't. More memories continued to flood his mind. His past mistakes continued to haunt him.

His first failure wasn’t when he lost in the Winter Cup; it happened way back in Teikou. Didn't the Generation of Miracles crumble because he couldn't handle them properly, in the first place? He could've stopped Muraskibara at that time (with his own strength). It was his responsibility as the captain to guide his team properly, not push them to turn into the kind of monsters they had turned out to be. He had turned into a sorry excuse of a captain. He may be a great player, but he was sure he wasn't a great captain. Now how could he forgive his self when he’s aware of how much of a big role he had played at the drifting apart of his former team? Not after he had failed someone -very dear to him- whom he lost sight of.

_"I have faith in you, Captain Akashi,"_

Akashi held pride in his self that time. He felt warm inside just with the mere thought that his senpai believed in him. He could still hear Nijimura's voice, that voice that had always been too deep for a middle schooler which the redhead had grown fond of. But what had he done? He ruined the team that his former captain had cared for, the team that Nijimura led, the team that the black-haired teen entrusted in Akashi's hands.

He lost sight of his love for basketball... The last thing his mother left for him. He got engrossed with victory; he was raised that way.

Akashi was more than convinced how much of a disappointment he had been. If Nijimura learned about all he had done... Maybe, surely he'd be disappointed too.

\---------

Only Akashi, Kuroko and Momoi had come on time. While the other two were busy contacting the others, Akashi chose to be by his self and get lost in his own thoughts and regrets. He didn’t have anybody that he invited after all.

The redhead just sat at the bench listening idly at Momoi's voice in the background who seemed to be giving Aomine an earful for waking up late. Akashi wasn't sure how should he act. He wasn't sure, and he was starting to worry. _Weren't all of them actually angry at him at the back of their minds?_

He still didn't say a word even after Kagami arrived making their little group a bit louder. A minute passed and the others started to come. Another minute and they were almost complete. Akashi kept his self busy with his phone while exuding an intimidating aura. He didn't want to talk to anyone for now. Several more minutes passed until Akashi didn't bother anymore.

"What's taking him so long, Kagamicchi?" Kise whined.

"Tatsuya said he was going to bring a friend," Kagami replied.

 _A friend?_ Akashi started to hope that Himuro would arrive sooner as the group didn't seem to have any intention of starting without that guy. Basketball should be an easy way to talk to them... Even if all of them had bad memories about the sport.

"Tatsuya and his friend are here!" Kagami declared. Akashi still kept his eyes busy with his phone. He felt like an outsider in the group; maybe he'd feel more comfortable when they start playing.

"Damn it Tatsuya, you should've told me sooner!" _that voice_... Akashi knows that voice very well. He could've sworn his heart skipped a beat after hearing _that voice_. It was deeper than what he could remember but he was more than sure of the identity of the speaker. The redhead found his self standing without thinking... He had turned around there he saw the person whom he considered as a very important person in his life.

"N-Nijimura-san..." too surprised to speak, Akashi only managed to mumble his former captain's name, so soft only he heard himself.

Nijimura looked surprised with the faces he saw. He sighed and shot a glare towards Himuro but his voice was nothing but fond, "And you could've told me of the friends we were playing with..."

“That would ruin the fun, Shuu,” Himuro chuckled softly.

"Senpai!" Momoi tackled her former captain into a hug wrapping her arms around his torso.

"Oh hey there, glad to see you're doing well Mo--" Nijimura stopped his self when the pink-haired girl looked up her eyes glistening with tears.

"You didn't even contact us!" she whined.

"Hey, I wanna hug Senpai too!" Kise exclaimed joining the hug.

Nijimura sighed and wrapped his arms around the two, "Just this once,"

Akashi watched Nijimura casually interact with the others. The redhead felt his chest tighten; so much emotions had welled up inside him. He felt happy, relieved, and scared.

Nijimura's attention turned to the only dark-skinned male at the group, and scowled at Aomine whose mouth was slightly agape with eyes wider than usual. "Oi, don't look at me like that you brat! It's not like I came back from the grave or something,"

"You just disappeared after your graduation, I thought you might as well be dea--"

"Dead? Wow, I'm very touched Aomine," the raven-haired teen said sarcastically. Momoi and Kise had released Nijimura from their hug as they laughed.

"Who's this?" Kagami asked which earned him stares from the other. How dare he refer to Akashi's former captain as 'this'?

"He's Nijimura-senpai, our former captain in Teikou, Kagami-kun," Kuroko answered. Akashi watched. He just watched the scene play in front of him. He watched how the others immediately adore Nijimura simply because of the fact that he once captained the Generation of Miracles which the latter just shrugged off with a laugh. He watched his former captain make snide remarks about Midorima's weird lucky items and Murasakibara's unusual affinity on eating sweets. They all looked happy and Akashi felt he'd just ruin the perfect picture if he'd join them. Like how he ruined them in Teikou.

Akashi was glad to see Nijimura again. He was glad to have him back, but he couldn't bring his self to step up and talk to Nijimura. Just what would he say?

When Nijimura locked gazes with Akashi, a grin easily made its way to his lips further making the redhead's heart beat faster, "It's been a while, Obocchan,"

Akashi would've roasted anyone who mocks him by calling him 'obocchan' had it been anybody else. He didn't like being called 'obocchan' as it would always come to him as an insult, but when the nickname was spoken by the black-haired male with such fondness, the redhead could only smile.

"It has been, Nijimura-san." Akashi politely said. They didn't have much of an exchange after that as the others bombarded the black-haired teen with questions. He complied to answer them until he got fed up and snapped.

"Damn it! I'm here to play basketball not answer questions like a damn celebrity!" Nijimura snapped a vein popping on his head. Only Nijimura’s former teammates and a selected few had the nerve to laugh. They all agreed that the questions could wait for another time and started playing.

Akashi was on the same team as Nijimura and he felt nostalgia hit him as they played. Nijimura obviously got better. His speed had increased and he was still as sharp as ever. He may not be as great as the Generation of Miracles, but the redhead was sure he could compete with the Uncrowned Kings just fine. Akashi silently enjoyed the fact that they were still able to play in sync despite not playing with each other for more than a year.

When it was almost evening, the people started to leave one by one, until it was only the former captains of Teikou left. Somehow, they had a silent agreement to stay back and have a little chat. Kuroko just gave them a small knowing smile before leaving with Kagami. Akashi and Nijimura stood across each other only at least three feet apart.

"Hey," Nijimura started awkwardly. "Er, your hair suits you,"

Akashi stared at him not expecting the compliment. A compliment about his hair was completely beyond his expectations. He knew he should say a simple expression of gratitude but he didn't. It still didn't feel real that Nijimura was right there standing in front of him. Nijimura was one of Akashi's untainted memories in Teikou after all.

"Well, I heard some... News about you..." the older male said. Akashi dreaded what he might say next. Will he get scolded? Will Nijimura also look at him in contempt? _Like how everybody else does..._ The redhead hadn't made any eye contact with Nijimura, and he didn't plan too because he'll never look away if he does.

The redhead let a bitter smile form on his lips, "Are you disappointed?"

He heard a gasp from Nijimura then felt a hand pat his head.

"What are you saying? How could I ever be disappointed?" Nijimura's voice was soft and gentle Akashi was more than overwhelmed with the gentleness that the other was showing. The older male started ruffling Akashi's crimson hair.

"You led Teikou to victories, you became a captain even as a first year, and I could enumerate more but it might take us a while," Nijimura chuckled lifting his hand from Akashi's head; the redhead missed the touch.

"It would be nice if I could look at it that way too," Akashi said almost a whisper his eyes fixed at the ground.

"Loosen up, everyone makes mistakes," Nijimura sounded nonchalant. If he was trying to comfort the redhead, then well, it wasn't working.

"You don't understand, Nijimura-san,"

"What do I not understand? The weight of guilt that's eating you out because you trampled on the sports you and many others used to love? The fact that you look at people as mere tools to win?" Nijimura's voice now had an edge in his voice, but he didn't sound angry... Only frustrated. "Then fuck it Akashi, make me understand."

"You do not need to--" Akashi was cut off when Nijimura's fist connected with his jaw. The redhead almost lost his balance but still managed to steady his self. He felt dizzy. He caressed the side of his face. It hurt. It really hurt. Nijimura surely could give anybody a good punch.

"Tell me Akashi, does it hurt?"

"Yes," Akashi managed to say.

"Good then,"

He knew he should get mad at Nijimura for punching him out of the blue. He didn't; Akashi felt that the punch was well-deserved, probably even less that what he deserved. Still, Akashi failed to see the relevance of hitting him, "What was that for, Nijimura-san?"

"To shake off your ever so bright mind in hopes of beating some sense into you," Nijimura replied in his authoritative voice, the one that he uses when he was still the captain.

Akashi didn't reply. What did his former captain want him to say? What should Akashi say then? He opened his mouth to say something but the gray-eyed teen beat him to it,

"I'll seriously hit you again if you tell me to get lost because I'm not leaving you," again was the unspoken word between them. Akashi felt at loss for words. What else was there to say? It was both fascinating and frustrating that Nijimura could render him speechless.

Nijimura sighed loudly then pulled the younger teen into a hug, his arm around his shoulder and his other hand resting at the top of Akashi's head.

"I know it's hard to forgive yourself, trust me... I know so," Nijimura said lightly stroking Akashi's soft crimson hair. "It's fine to regret, really. I guess I would be more disappointed if you didn't."

Akashi gasped slightly. He leaned in to Nijimura's touch. It wasn't the first time that the redhead had been this close to another male, basketball includes kinds of physical contact after all, but Nijimura's touch felt different. It was a good kind of different.

"It's fine to be weak... It's fine to feel pathetic actually. It's totally fine to regret your misdeeds. Just for a time though," Nijimura's arm tightened slightly around the smaller teen bringing him closer. "Only looking back won't change anything... If you have time to look back, run forward."

Akashi found his self smiling a little with the other's words. It's fine to be weak, that was something that his father would never forgive. An Akashi doesn't have weakness, but the redhead was tired. He wanted to rest, even just a little bit.

"You don't have to force yourself when you're with me. It may take time, but I’m sure you’ll be able to forgive yourself," Akashi found his self relaxing a little in Nijimura's embrace. "After all, you're also just human."

Akashi could almost feel tears well up in his eyes. Since his mother had died, he had only been treated like a mindless robot in the Akashi household. Other people had feared him, and almost didn't regard him as just another human. Most people thinks he's mad(and maybe he was). It was reassuring to hear those words from his former captain. The redhead felt the urge to just trust Nijimura with his weaknesses.

Nijimura pulled away and Akashi finally met his eyes. The redhead let a small smile grace his lips, "Thank you, Nijimura-san,"

The older male seemed mildly surprised with what Akashi said as red tinted his cheeks.

"Sheesh, no need to thank me really," Nijimura replied looking away, "Akashi,"

"Hm?"

"Wanna buy something before going home?" Nijimura looked at Akashi again and flashed a carefree grin. "You probably stopped buying snacks when I left, no?"

Akashi was slightly surprised with the invitation and the accuracy of Nijimura's assumption, "That is correct but--"

"I knew it! Let's go buy something at the convenience store then!" Nijimura started walking away, so Akashi just shook his head before following his former captain. _Like how he used to during middle school._

Akashi still couldn't forgive his self...but he was certain that someday, he'd be able to. He no longer thought of his self as a disappointment. If someone like Nijimura still believed in him, then what right did he have to doubt his self?

**Author's Note:**

> I'm sorry... Lame title, lame ending .-. but I still hope you enjoyed reading it!  
> Anyway, I just really thought that Akashi would find it hard to forgive his past sins, and so this fic was born! I just hope I didn't make him OOC, I apologize. And I really think, only Nijimura could actually comfort him because he wasn't there when Bokushi appeared... so Nijimura could look at Akashi like the teenager he actually is and not some psycho who assaults people with scissors(I don't have anything against Bokushi, okay?) I'm hoping of writing something in Nijimura's pov. So let's see if I can :) Anyway, Thanks a lot for reading~! ^.^


End file.
